Nervous Breakdowns....urgh!

Suddenly I feel crappy even though nothing really happened. I was literally quite happy a moment ago, joking, fooling around and making my best friend laugh. NOTHING at all happened and I start sulking. He got all worried and started enquiring if someone had said something to upset me. And I had absolutely no answer. Because nothing happened, anyway. I am the sort of person who preaches the teachings of His Awesomeness, Barney Stinson, “When I’m sad I stop being sad and start being awesome.” to every person I come across. And I follow it most of the times. For confirmation you may consult the friend I mentioned above.

Its just that, so many small, insignificant bad things happen. If looked at individually, I would laugh at the stupid prospect of someone being upset by things so minor. But this small stuff, sorta builds up. You might put it at the back of your mind, but the thing is, its still there.

Its like stuffing lots of liquid waste in a can, you can stuff it up to a limit before it bursts and that exactly is what I call BREAKING DOWN.

I’m scared to death by these emotional breakdowns because they make a person difficult to tolerate. They start talking non-sense, getting irritable and unbearable. Some start crying K (I HATE tears! It’s my weakness to give whatever a-person-with-a-tear-stained-face asks for just to get ‘em off my back. Tears- URGH!)

Annoying, they are. But you can’t live without them, really. Sometimes everyone needs to get the crap out of their heads. No one can, even the strongest person on earth, live without breaking down once in a while.

When this happens, and be assured it will even to you dear reader, all you would want is a friend to listen without offering solutions, because these problem are meant to be forgotten and not solved. You just need the reassuring sounds of “hmn” , “ohh” and “awwh” that too just to make sure that you have your friend’s attention. Once its out of your mouth, its out of your mind. You’re free again to be normal and cheerful and, well, you get the feel.

I don’t want to boast, but there’s no doubt that I have a pretty big CAN that can hold up stuff for longer periods of time. But umm(shit! I mean shot!), it makes a greater mess when it bursts!

In Fond Memory Of Engineering Students

This is in fond memory of engineering students or more appropriately “The Engineering Cult”. I won’t generalize, but truthfully, there are only a few exceptions to this rule. They have a few common tendencies-

1) They think of themselves as superior to commerce students. They think that students like, well me, don't take science to find an easier way out or that they are dumb and don't understand the concepts or are afraid of hard work and things like that. Who are you kidding people? We commerce guys just have different aims.

2) However boastful they are of their intellect, when consulted for advice by juniors, they almost plead with them not to take up engineering as the struggle for it is crushing them. Remember the time you mocked us commerce students that engineering padne ka apna hi tashan hai? Booyaa!

3) Now a special tendency of IITians. These guys are fond of "the catch". For them nothing is straightforward. A simple question put to them like what is 2+2 s answered by a silence of consideration. "The answer can't be 4! There has to be some catch! I will figure it out, that will show them I’m the smartest!" Duh-uh.

About 1 lakh people qualify as engineers every year. Almost half of them have no idea how they landed there. They don't even like engineering! They just go into it thinking its cool. C’mon people, anything you LIKE can be cool. You are the one who has to be cool. You don’t need to burden yourself for attaining degrees you can show off, half heartedly.

Speaking for myself, I belong to a science background, and I love science. Watching my peers and answering their repeated cries of-“I thought you’re gonna take science!” or “ But your parents are doctors!” I was almost swayed to join “The Cult”. But picturing my future, I want to see myself as a writer, start my own magazine and probably a publishing house. Science would be of no help. Commerce is what I need and not a sign of my incompetence.

I’m not justifying my choice here, neither am I discouraging people from taking up engineering. All I want to convey is that- think of yourself in the future and then make your choice. It is these what make you who you are. Don’t be afraid of being mocked for them.

Bleed blue @ airport

Unfortunately or probably not so, I had to leave for a vacation the day of CWC 2011 finals. All way to the airport in the taxi I was straining hard to listen to the commentary on radio above all the noise, an alternative I wouldn’t ever try coz of the lame and irritating commentary we get on radios.

Rushing through the customs and skipping even a look at the Delhi duty free, I dragged my parents and my brother to the screen showing the India v/s Sri Lanka match. Cricket made everyone sitting there a single entity. No business class, no economy class, that time every single one of them was an Indian. And as everyone knows, cricket is religion in India.

People were pushing each other to get a better view of the screen. On every ball they cheered, every boundary they hooted, and every wicket they cursed, in unison. People sat on the floors, and what people, those wearing neat coats and tuxedos did that! Sophistication was long forgotten. The foreign passengers were gaping at the scene, bewildered by all the noise. To them I say-“Guys, cricket here is much more than your redskins game.”

People were late for the flight, and they didn’t care. People were even ready to miss their flights! All for a cricket match. Oh my mistake! It was THE cricket match! When people name’s were announced to board the flight, they simply said let the damned flight wait, I’ll come after the match and turned back to the screen.

And the moment we won? Ohho! You can’t compare it to anything else! One guy literally removed his shirt and threw it in the air! Others made a circle and started dancing. Some of them made a human train and started running around the airport, this included the shirtless guy.

Imagine! Just imagine the scene! Can anything be better than this? Cricket in India is a great uniting force. We all BLEED BLUE!

Cricket, hats off!

A friend of a friend

I have heard a million times that an enemy’s enemy is an ally. But yesterday, due to some situation, I needed consolation. And that was when I came across its contrary statement-

“A friend of a friend is not a friend.”

Pondering on this, I found out that this was true in ever way. Everyone has experienced this but few would be ready to admit. Look at the following two situations.

1. You have a really close friend. And he is the only one. But to him you are “just one of the good friends”. Won’t those others induce a feeling of jealousy within you? Of course you would try to suppress it, coz it ain’t right to feel that way. You feel it anyway.

2. Your best friend introduces you to some of his friends. Suppose you are a girl and one of his friends start hitting on you. You want to thrash him but redeem yourself on the grounds that he is a friend of your best friend.

Now, can a friend of friend be your friend? Ah! Not unless you got a real high tolerance level.

 For this article, my sincere thanks to Tapas bhai

Rest in Peace, Ritu Ma'am

I read somewhere-

Life is a submissive slut, and death, its most priced customer.

And of course, if the bloody demon is paying like HELL, he would make sure he got the best. And that’s why all the good people go up first and the earth is full of assholes. As Kamal bhai says – “Saare harami niche rahe jaate hain.”

Why suddenly I’ve adopted truck-driver vocabulary? YES! I’m in SHOCK! It’s as if the truth hasn’t quite sunk in yet. The unnerving and untimely demise of our beloved Hindi teacher has taken a heavy toll on my mental well-being, something I never thought I would feel.

Death is something you just can’t get used to. Today while going for the exam, I still sustained a foolish hope that I would meet her in the corridor and greet her with a “Good morning!” I actually postponed writing this as felt that maybe this was someone’s filthy idea of a joke and I had absolutely no intention of making a fool of myself.

Ritu ma’am, we all knew, was very weak since like, forever. But that didn’t prepare any of us for what happened. I got to know that she had a kidney problem since past one year that finally lead to- well I can’t even bring myself to say it! She had always been good to me. She never lost her temper. In the 2 years she taught me- 7^th and 8^th, I never had any complaints- not even the foolish ones each kid has towards each teacher.

Not even one Montfortian is ready to accept this news. Why, oh why! To someone so absolutely lovely? I can name a hundred people who could have gone instead-I know I shouldn’t be talking so-but anything I say now will be an understatement.

The cruel game of fate.

The whore called life.

And the fucker called destiny.

The one above, if He even is there, has a creepy, filthy sense of humour.

Ritu ma’am, Rest In Peace.

Outcry for Japan

I feel ashamed when I’m sitting here at ease

My heart cries out for the Japanese

I remember when Tsunami hit India I was in Goa

I can never forget how much I thanked destiny

That I could live to see today

And now that a stronger one hit Japan…

It was the only thing on news that Friday

8.9, gosh, it was scary

And the helicopter shots looked so lethal

As if I was watching a video game

Lame, but the speed of water and the heat of fire

Had the same air of unreality to them

The ships, planes and cars photographed from above

I swear looked like a floor littered with a careless child’s toys

I don’t want to believe it was anything but that

Developed over the years and shattered in a 2 minute disaster

I don’t know why im getting all patriotic about a country that’s not my own

Maybe coz I understand the suffering as I nearly avoided?

Still something surprises me, more than anything else

The people were prepared

The government action was instantaneous

Evacuation successful, well as successful as you could hope for

This didn’t happen in India

Mitigation was only dealing with the aftermath

Very little, what was left

Warnings, none

Even in the harsh time, I plead the Indians to learn from our fellow Asians

We here think regular drills are a joke

Are we so naïve as not to understand their importance until disaster strikes?

Why bother when everything’s alright?

Jab hoga tab dekha jayega attitude

Jab hoga tab dekhne ke liye zinda bachoge?

They just don’t realize

Learn from the Japanese, my fellow Indians

I sincerely hope for the best for the victims and revival of Tokyo and all other places hit by the aftershocks.

Ameen

Cry, cry...

"मेरे मालिक सुर बक्श दे |सुर में वह तासीर पैदा कर कि आँखों से सच्चे मोती कि तरह अनगढ़ आँसू निकल आयें |"

- Bismillah Khan

Your tears make my day

Call me callous, call me sadistic

They are so true that I crave for more

So just cry me a river

Coz I don’t know why

But I love to see you cry…

Every single teardrop of yours is a glittering speck on my armor

When you sit in that corner alone, with tears streaking your face, leaving salty paths on your pale cheeks, you look heavenly. I just wish I can stand all night and just keep looking at you, smiling. Leaving you to yourself. It gives me immense satisfaction. Watching you slowly, painfully, recover from the spell I cast on you. I love it when you feel saddened, as if I’m making the worse actually happen to you.

I love your pain. I try my best to induce it.

“Stop it!” you might want to shout, but actually never wanting it to end. Ever.

The tears should weaken you

Only to make you stronger later

Hurt you

But increase your tolerance for pain

They must make you sad

Making you realize the need to make a difference

And then you will be happy

When you are as satisfied with yourself and what you’ve done as I am

It is every artist’s dream to instill in his audience an emotion that makes them cry. Every drop of that brine is a medal to his achievements.

“All I want is to make you cry

Give me tears, and I shall give you all I have…”