Kelly was lying down. An appropriate thing to do at past one after midnight. Not asleep yet but thinking and pondering upon the days events. She asked the same question to the walls everyday, every single stinking day. Of course she received no answer.
She had loved one, and only one man this dearly. He complimented her so well. It was obvious that they were meant to be. Her friends teased her with his names. On such occasions she blushed and denied that claims. She joked with him as to how stupid her friends could be. He laughed with her too. And then he held her hands in his own and they would stargaze for as long as time and their moms would allow.
Everything was not so straight. Gosh! Guys are so dumb- Kelly often repeated. He still thought of her as only a friend. Somehow she knew he loved her. Maybe he was not saying it as he feared she might not reciprocate? How dumb.
Kelly had tried many times to remove that hesitation form his mind, although inconspicuously. She too had that “What if?” dilemma. She did not want to lose what she had with Kevin in want of a bit more. Being a girl who liked to pay her own bills, that is to say not quite a fan of chivalry, she still wanted him to make the first move.
Gosh! Why are guys so dumb! She thought, fluffed her pillow and tried to sleep. But it was impossible. Their conversation was playing in her mind. It was her birthday today. Kevin had called her at 12 and they had talked for an hour. They would have talked for more, thanks to their night calling plans, had he not had his exams. “Fucking exams!” she cursed. It had been her who forced him to hang up.
Probably I can live with this forever, Kelly wondered. Maybe not more but we can still be friends. We can still call each other up at ungodly hours. We can still continue our stargazing ritual. We could still casually flirt with each other, anytime. There was no problem.
But whatever. If he decided to move on and hook up with some other girl. The thought was unbearable to Kelly. No, he wont- she liked to think. He would at least give me one chance. Wont he? Why would he? She did not have any romantic control over him.
Maybe she should find someone else too…..or wait? She had been in this indecision for months now. But each time she thought about it, it brought the same amount of pain as it had done the first time. No one could take his place.
Boys! She was angry now. Let him go to hell. Oh chuck it I know he loves me! The dumbass doesn’t realize how much I would stake for those 3 words. She had long since decided that she wont be the first one to speak up. If he doesn’t do it soon enough now….I don’t know…
I’ll live in illusion….
And then she fell asleep.
