Confessions of an IPL match fixer

Sorry for the spoilers guise but I really am guilty. I did some IPL fixing but I wasn't caught in the IndiaTV sting. My friends are suffering coz of my deeds so here is a confession of things I fixed

Malinga dyes his hair orange. I just had to pay his parlour bill. He seemed pretty excited.

Brett Lee takes his shirt off after taking Sehwag's wicket who by the way pulled a Sachin and got ousted at 99. I tried to coax him into dropping all but he was afraid of public reaction. No comments about private.

Bhajji will bald his head and white his lips as a way to indirectly praise his favourite cricketer. 

Poonam Pandey will be in news again for hooking up with Virat Kohli just after he is declared the man of the match.

Since most people just come to see SRK, the sales for Wankhede stadium IPL tickets will start falling. Keeping this is mind there will be a huge controversy after which SRK will accept their apologies. This was all a planned stunt to raise TRP. I managed this for SRK and got rich. Also many signed photos, comment here and I will sell them to you at 500 per piece. 

DD and KKR reach finals and DD takes all wickets and wins. 

Sachin, after losing, feels it's time to retire. He says after serving the country by being a sportsman he now wishes to be their representative and he joins the Rajya Sabha then. Why he did not do this earlier was because it would be too suspicious right after the 100th 100. That's what I thought, Sachin agreed for it for a pittance.

Salman Butt will agitate over IPL because he thinks it's unfair that he got caught. I paid him for this show, man he's an expensive dude.

Virat Kohli would go one step ahead than that middle finger venture. I leave that to your imagination. Good lad, him, he said I didn't need to pay him for it, in cash.

Priety Zinta was seen bonding with Ranbir. I picked on that and now I am after her to agree to start a cat fight with Deepika, who is already planning to leave Sid coz he's broke. But well, these Bollywood people are a tough nut to crack, must stick to cricketers.

See, I am agreeable to be jailed for this. But please consult me about the arrangements first. I like my bath water lukewarm, 25 degree centrally air conditioned chamber, for food I like variety. 

Nice talk. Thanks IndiaTV for broadcasting my apology.